A letter

Dear Christmas Tree lights,
Why are you being so mean? No one loves you like I do, so why are you treating me this way? I love you all year round, not just a few months of the year like some people. In fact, if it were socially acceptable and not at all trashy, I would use you all over my apartment as a lighting source. Yes, I'd even attach you to the ceiling as overhead lighting. That's because I think you make everything so beautiful, but as of late we are not getting along.

For the past seven days, sometimes twice a day, one of you has decided to burn out. Then your little strand brothers all go out too. I have to fish through the carefully (might I add perfectly) placed ornaments and strands of you to find the little jerk who's out and change him. Then someone else decides to act up, and I have to start the process all over again. I am tired of it.

If you did not want to participate in Christmas this year then why didn't you just not work when I took you out of the box and plugged you in to check you? Nope. Instead you decided to play a little trick on me, your biggest fan. I am almost out of replacement brothers for you. So, if you keep this up, I will have to put in one of your red-headed step siblings and then you will start to blink at me in anger. Please don't make me do that.

Here's the deal. We are breaking up after this Christmas. I will put you away; far, far away after this year and I will go get some brand new of your kin for my tree next year. But for now, can you please just play nice until Friday? Please? Don't make this harder than it already is.

Yours truly,
Clark